How are you?
"How are you?" is a difficult question to answer. If I'm feeling good, there's no problem. "Great!" is a great response. But "Fine" is too shallow (and invites mocking from anyone who's seen the remake of The Italian Job), and "Terrible" is not what most people want to hear.
At face value "How are you?" means "How is your health/emotional well-being/mood," but face value is a quality sadly lacking in polite conversation. What it often means is "I choose to make rhetorical inquiries into your well-being so as to appear polite, although I really don't care how you are." What's the point of responding to that??
Some people consider it rude to say that you are "having a bad day" or "feel miserable." On the other hand, some people might actually care how you feel, in which case you could tell the truth, but how do you know who does and who doesn't care when they ask the same question?
One idea I had was to answer the rhetorical question as if they had actually asked what they meant. They say, "How are you?" (meaning, "I am making polite conversation, and expect no depth in your response.") You say:
"Okay...."
"Very nice weather we're having...."
"Um."
"I acknowledge your politeness, but recognize your desire not to actually converse with me."
"Really?"
"Really!"
"Oh, you know..."
"Yes."
"Not particularly."
"Right."
"How are you?"
I'll have to try some of these.
At face value "How are you?" means "How is your health/emotional well-being/mood," but face value is a quality sadly lacking in polite conversation. What it often means is "I choose to make rhetorical inquiries into your well-being so as to appear polite, although I really don't care how you are." What's the point of responding to that??
Some people consider it rude to say that you are "having a bad day" or "feel miserable." On the other hand, some people might actually care how you feel, in which case you could tell the truth, but how do you know who does and who doesn't care when they ask the same question?
One idea I had was to answer the rhetorical question as if they had actually asked what they meant. They say, "How are you?" (meaning, "I am making polite conversation, and expect no depth in your response.") You say:
"Okay...."
"Very nice weather we're having...."
"Um."
"I acknowledge your politeness, but recognize your desire not to actually converse with me."
"Really?"
"Really!"
"Oh, you know..."
"Yes."
"Not particularly."
"Right."
"How are you?"
I'll have to try some of these.
Labels: Personal philosophy
posted by Jeffrey Stuart Martin on Friday, September 08, 2006
2 Comments:
It seems to me that if someone asks as you pass each other, it's just out of formality (like last weekend I passed my friend Nikki while walking through Itaewon and I could tell she was in a hurry, but I felt I should still ask "how are you?").
It's funny though because when I first read the phrase on here, I thought "I'm happy because it's Friday". Lol. "How are you today" is a question I ask in all my classes and the kids all know to respond with "I'm happy" or "I'm hot" or "I'm angry", etc. If they are a little more advanced, that's always followed by "because..."
Anyways. Tangent. Sorry.
Basically I just wanted to say that I've pondered the meaning behind asking that question, and what people really mean, a lot, and I have yet to come up with a good answer. I think that often it's just like saying "hi" as you pass someone you know. But if you ask someone over coffee or online, I think more than just a "good" or "fine" is desired. At least it is when I ask (though I usually don't get more than an "ok", "good", unless I ask a follow-up, like "how was your day" or "how is work going", etc).
Whew. That was long.
You're right that context and who you're talking to makes a big difference.
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